Finding my Joy, my "better"

When I started my career, I started it with one goal, to constantly better myself. At the time I thought that meant more education, better pay, higher rank, etc. I mean, isn't that what society teaches us? I almost killed myself trying to do all the above. I mean, I had a heart attack for Pete's sake! lol Sorry, if I didn't laugh about my health I would have to cry and the end of the school year is already filled with enough tears! I drove over an hour from home one-way, three nights a week, on a compressed schedule to "better myself". I constantly left a position I loved to "move up" to another. I took on not just my problems, but everyone else's. I tried to fix the world and everything that was in it, just to make everyone else happy. I worked myself to the bone, missed precious time with my family, spent hours on the phone during important family events, to solve others problems and make other people's lives easier. For What? Did it "better me"? Did it earn me more respect? Did I gain financially? NO! During this time I was called to be a Christian Women's speaker, and even though I knew what God wanted from me I gave Him every excuse in the book, why I didn't have time or couldn't do it. Well, that only made things worse. God sent so many people into my life to guide me and I was so consumed in "bettering myself" I couldn't see how to really "better myself. After losing my father, losing a best friend, many health issues and wake-up calls, and losing all material things in a tornado, I was at a breaking point. I was miserable in my job, in my location, in my social life (or lack thereof) and in my walk with Christ.

I finally gave in and told God, "I'm done with me, with my way, I'm all yours! I don't even know what to pray for, but I pray for your will and give you all I have, make me yours, Please!" I had said that before, but I had hit rock bottom this time, God had humbled me beyond humble, and I meant it this time with my whole being! I decided to quit my job. Yes you heard me. When I say I was done, I was done trying it my way! When I went to explain the resignation my boss would be receiving, in a few weeks, I was told there was a position open in the very job I started my career in, and they said I could be transferred into that position. I didn't jump, I leaped! Well, after looking to God with amazement. I was floored that before one door was officially shut God had already opened another. I cleaned out my office and spent the entire summer, preparing for my journey back into the classroom. With everyday I found my excitement growing deeper and deeper. I had more time for God, I spent more time in His word. I went to World Changers, I went to Winter Extreme, I got back to Women of Joy, I allowed myself to be fed. I concentrated on helping others, loving others, finding my JOY, I allowed God to teach me how to truly "better myself". Wait, I didn't say Perfect me, I will never be that, but I am a better Christian person everyday because of who God is in my life. His grace and mercy never fail me. Life is tough, some days I really don't know how or why things happen the way they do, but God is with me every step and makes sure I have Him to get through every second.

As I look back on this last year of my life, I see how everything has fallen into place because I have given God control of the pieces. I gave control, I took an extended vacay from the decisions. I spent time finding my joy, loving like Jesus and trusting in His promises. Today, as I spend the last moments with some of my kiddos, I'm sad, tears are being shed, but the joy in my heart is overwhelming. I work with students with moderate to severe disabilities, and they have such an impactful purpose in this world. They touch my heart and soul and God uses them daily to make me who I am, "better!"

The prayer that started it all:

"God, I want to see you , I want to feel you, I want to hear you, I want to know you, and even before I know what today will bring, I say yes to you Lord!"

Luke 9:23